i know....i should blog her more than i do...especially since it is safer then myspace is for me...it's not like my husband will be caught dead here....and that will be remedied soon enough.  one month till filing, then the 8-12 week wait for final decree. 

there's been a lot happen since the crue fest.  i was looking at divorce options, and decided on the diy divorce kit.  i have everything i will need for next month printed already.  imagine that.  so ready for this to be over now that i've decided it's time....past time.  too bad he is in a major state of denial.  he's calling and crying - going to my friends and talking trash about me....and one has stabbed me in the back saying that it's my fault.  she's never asked me my reasons, and she hasn't spoken to me in over a year, really.  so how can she judge?  she can't - but she is.  i have my opinion of certain things she has said and done over the years, but i keep my opinions to myself.  with friends like her, who needs enemies - ya know....

anyway...i have been seperated for 18 months this month, and have been planning to divorce...but something happened (ok, a few things) that helped me decide that the time is right.  when my starter went out in my car a few months ago, he had me driving his POS mazda that would die everytime i tried to stop...when it did it in the middle of the busiest road in town during rush hour, he came to get it because i called him to tell him about it.  granted, i was far from nice, but to jeopardize my job and cause me to lose my home - he was doing it so that i would be forced to move back to his house - he even told me that much.  that is what happened to make my decision for me...

what he did last week just sealed his fate when he meets his maker.  last week, he shot and killed my precious siamese - rowan.  even though i can't have my furbabies with me, they are still mine...and he shot and killed her in cold blood.  he said that she turned on him - but he refused to make her an outside cat.  i begged him for her life, and he denied me.  for me, that was the extra 2000 nails in the coffin, since the situation with the car was the final 20 nails.  after hearing about this, a neighbor offered to pay for my divorce so that i can get away from him.  the only repayment asked is cat food and cigarettes as needed.  i didn't ask - i would never ask for something like that.  i have begun saving up the $300 for court costs...but if my neighbor wants to help and knows how miserable i am, i will accept the help.  granted, the divorce and anything else the universe may deal out to him is not the instant justification that i would LOVE, but since i refuse to go against the rede, i will have to learn patience, and realize that i may never know when he has paid for his sin.

there was one other thing that has happened.  i reconnected with a friend - and we're taking the time to get to know each other.  since i am still legally married, we're taking the time between labor day and my divorce being final to see how compatible we are and to see if we want to be with each other.  he's a really good guy - caring, supportive, makes me laugh, not afraid to be seen in public with me...and we have so much in common.  i can't begin to really describe this other than to say that it's not something that i've experienced before.  we're not rushing or forcing anything - and that may be the difference.  i don't know what will happen, but this feels good.  am leaving in the hands of the goddess as i know she won't lead me wrong...and so far......this is everything i have dreamed of in a relationship...if this is what jsut getting to know each other is, i can't wait until after my divorce is final... :)  (yes, the more i get to know him, the more i am around him, the more i fall...so cliche, i know.  but.....at least it's not completely head over heels without knowing him....and am slowly getting there.)  i have posted a couple of pics of him (and one of the car we are both claiming)....will have more up soon...i hope :)

***** update (10/14/2008)...apparently he got scared when my divorce got moved up and things aren't what they were...we are still getting to know each other, BUT he is also getting to know someone that he met on match.com...he said that he doesn't think it will go anywhere, BUT........my sister said that it's a good thing that he can still share things with me that he hasn't shared with his mom - the best example is a song he started over the weekend...i asked if he has told her about it and he said that he hasn't told anyone about it....made me feel good to be the only person that he has chosen to share that with.  gives me some hope that he will open his eyes and see what we have.....

**** yet another update (10/20/2008)....he went out with the person on match.com.....not happy about this...it is still being dealt with between us.  i know there isn't anything really serious between us, BUT the future has already been discussed and it was looking good.  am not happy at this time, but it will work out as the Goddess intends it to work out.  and i am doing as my sister has suggested.....being patient.  maybe he will open his eyes one day.....

Those that know me know that my happy place has always been in my childhood memories of my grandparent's house in Rockport.  It's right on the Gulf, and very calming for me.  But then, Water has always tamed this child of Fire. 

This past Thursday night, I went to the Crue Fest in Dallas as an early bday gift to myself (less than a month - it counts).  Of the five bands, I wanted to see Sixx: A.M., Papa Roach and Motley Crue.  I knew it would be worth every copper penny of the $95 ticket price as I was on the 11th row (3rd row behind the pit, actually).  The concert totally rocked - I had the best time.  It was already something I would never forget, but then between BuckCherry and Motley Crue, something happened that made it something that I'm not really sharing with others...it became something very personal and private (as you can see, I am not really telling details here).  I was going to another section to see a friend of mine, and as I passed the sound board, I saw a white tank top and an arm of tats...I looked and there was James and DJ from Sixx: A.M.  Needless to say, the friend had to wait just a bit longer....and she understands.  While the pic isn't the most flattering of me....you can tell I was trying not to scream....it is still one of my favorites from that roll of film (I took 5 rolls total). 

I have now met all three guys in Sixx:A.M. - I met Nikki in December on his book tour.

I am having a hard time grasping why someone would want to burn down an historic building - the Governor's Mansion here in Texas.  I can understand not liking the governor - I don't.  I haven't for a long time - since before he was elected - keeping in mind that the only reason he was govorner before he was elected was Bush becoming President....but to destroy one of the state's most loved landmarks???  That's crazy.....and sad.....that someone can do this.  I hope that the person i caught and justice is served.....and that person will have a really nice introduction to Karma  :D

I have been trying to lose weight for my health - literally.  I have lost 30 of the 72 pounds that I need to get off....that was all well and great until the past week...

I am now of the belief that it is safer for me to walk at night at Baylor University than it is to walk during the day - due to the 90+ temps that we are having.  Having been in Waco since the age of 4, I am used to the hypocrites on campus, and they are so wrapped up in the whole Baptist belief system, they are quite easy to scare - they didn't like it when I told them that I was protected by Merlin :) 

I am no longer cooking or eating out - I tend to bake everything and it's too dang hot to have the oven at 300+ degrees.  I refuse to eat out because it costs more to go 5 blocks to Wendy's than it does to get food there.  I have rediscovered Slim Fast - it's quick, easy to mix (I use the powder) and requires no heat or gas to make...just pick it up at the Wal-Mart when I pick up the chocolate chip cookies (have to have something solid to eat) :)

I have also decided that ice cream is in it's own food group, and it's the healthiest of them all.  Going back to the heat issue...Baskin Robbins is the coldest store I know around my apartment complex (not counting the liquor store next door) and being hot natured in this weather isn't good - ice cream is a great tasting way to cool down.  :)

** This was meant to be funny.  Please feel free to have a laugh at my expense :)

I guess I'm the first of my group of friends to show up here....and just like MySpace was at first, it's not looking like me just yet.  I will take my time and figure it out.....And then I will get used to it.